Pages 8-14 involved fighting off a cold, pure exhaustion and a brain trying to do so many things that I was completely overwhelmed and unable to get coherent thoughts I was willing to share on paper. But I have not forgotten about my commitment to write every day. What I wrote was just not what I wanted to share. 😉
This is one of my favorite photos from my wedding in 2007, when my husband and I were walking towards our future – a partnership and a team. A new chapter for two people who had experienced a lot of pain in life. I framed it today as I was swapping out photos as part of my post holiday clean up. And while I knew our wedding was beautiful – it’s hard not to see beauty in Hana, Maui, these thoughts filled my head: I wasn’t as thin as I wanted to be; my dress made my back side look bigger than I wanted; I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the next two weeks in the Tahitian Islands in a bikini.
I’d been doing Boot Camp for a solid year plus and felt the best I had in years. But I couldn’t look at myself without seeing flaws. I still can’t. It’s a constant struggle to like seeing pictures of myself on social media or from vacations.
So today I am focusing on this photo, which was all about the now and the future simultaneously. I’ll work on giving myself grace. I give it to others freely. I need to give it to myself too.
(But that back and those shoulders are part of my 2019 fitness goals – isn’t it funny how we look back at the time we thought we weren’t as thin, fit, whatever enough, and now we think we would love to look or be just like that?)